i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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