I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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