I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need help removing her.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
