She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
