Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
