What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
