I cut my penus on the lid.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
