Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
our cab driver is having phone sex.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize