Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
