I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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