____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
