So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize