i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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