I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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