Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just had sex on a roof
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize