I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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