I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
