Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
