ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
