What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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