I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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