I want to walk on stilts...naked
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
