The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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