If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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