good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
