I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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