he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
