Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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