i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I could make wine with my vomit
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
