Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
