I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
