Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
