Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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