Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
