I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
