We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
