I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize