I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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