the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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