I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
