Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
