ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I intend to get homeless drunk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
this will be a night to untag.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
