You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
