Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
