i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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