Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
