No stitches, just platelets and will power
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize