My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
