I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
