You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
