I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize