It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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