Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize