I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
