My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
