i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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