Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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