There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I will be naked everywhere
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
