the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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