I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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