Whod you bang
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
