You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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