Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
