can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize