i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
