Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
