The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
