You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
