I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
