My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize