And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
