Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
