i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
