I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
