i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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