Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
