you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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