How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
