my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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