I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
