never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize