I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
