Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
