yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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