Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
