I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
