She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
