How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
