if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
