So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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