So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
