I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
