to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
