We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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