that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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