I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
