Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
