he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
